Friday, October 31, 2008

Not Much...

Yesterday I went to visit my dear friend LA, who welcomed a baby boy into the world 5 weeks ago. Hottie went with me as he knows LA’s hubby and they wanted to have a beer and catch up too!

I couldn’t believe how good she looks and it was awesome to catch up with my dear friend. Her little boy is adorable and sooooo good. I am broody as hell now….

Anyhoo, Hottie and I did the pizza thing last night but after dinner I was pooped and promptly fell asleep on the couch – how embarrassing! He wasn’t perturbed in the least though and eventually woke me up to go and get into a bath he had run – bath bubbles and all!

The office bitch made a complete pig of herself at lunch today (I arranged pizza for the team). It was disgusting and she outdid most of the men. You should have seen the look on their faces when she went back for seconds and then picked a piece of sausage off one guy’s pizza. I thought he was going to strangle her.

YAY! Tomorrow I get to go to the Spa! Hottie sent me a note with all the details;

Hot stone or Swedish full body massage (Forgive me for being so ill informed but what the hell is a Swedish massage? **frown)
Strawberry facial Massage
Indian head massage
Hydrating honey butter hand treatment
Pampering foot treatment (This is going to be amusing, not big on people going near my feet **Feet twinge nervously)

Ahhhhh, I could get used to this life!

Happy Halloween and enjoy the weekend!


Thursday, October 30, 2008

Stalker Alert….

So…. There is this dude in my office who is freaking me out completely.
He started here roughly a month ago and at first I barely noticed him.
“The Stalker” obviously had other ideas….

It started subtly at first. We would greet each other in passing or when making coffee in the kitchen. Within a week, stalker was waiting for me in the mornings when I arrived at work and would then promptly offer to carry my laptop……I wasn’t too worried the first time it happened, thought it purely coincidental. However this has now been happening every fucking day this week. *Shudder*

He waits for me when I am leaving in the afternoons too and has now developed the annoying habit of following me when I go outside to have a smoke. Hottie is not amused of course and caught the stalker checking out my derrière yesterday. (Too funny)

Thing is “The Stalker” is married, fat and balding….. not exactly your catch of the month!
Hottie has now undertaken to be my body guard *grin* and every time “The Stalker” attempts to get close and sees Hottie, he does a quick detour…. Hysterical!

Anyhoo, 7 more days until my visit to the poen doctor – urgh! I have mentally prepared myself for both possible options (My ulcer has awoken from the dead in the process). Option A - Everything is fine and I am in the clear (Have MANY celebratory drinks). Option B – I need another op and should REALLY start a family soon. (Have MANY drinks to curb the shock).

I am so excited about my trip to the spa on Saturday. Have rather an embarrassing confession to make though. I have never EVER been to a spa nor have I ever had a professional massage. It’s going to be a first for me and I really cannot wait.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Kak Funny

Yes I have a warped sense of humour....

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Office Bitch

What is about the corporate world that no matter where you work or for whom, guaranteed there is always an office bitch!

They are nosy as hell, always trying to nail your arse and permanently pissing off those around them.

I have dubbed the one in our office “Nazi” and believe you me this little cow lives up to her name.

How she made it into our division is beyond me, although there was some talk about her sleeping with the boss. I have tried to be nice, ignore her but nothing seems to work. The mere sight of her in the mornings is enough to make me want to climb the walls.

We dare not eat in front of her or take out our lunch because true as shit she will come begging for your one and only muffin. She shouts and screams at the top of lungs and is now on her third office phone due to the thing being thrown around and manhandled.

If I have to hear one more time how broke she is I will shit myself… She whines….. a lot!

The worst is that she has the boss wrapped around her finger and he is grooming her for a higher management position **gag**. She gets away with murder and everyone else is so shit scared of her.

I am bitching this morning, I know. I just have never had an individual irritate me as much as this one.

In other news, Hottie cooked me supper again last night (this is becoming a habit) and has booked me into a spa for a 4 hour pampering session on Saturday….. bless him!


Friday, October 24, 2008

The Dummies Guide to Torturing Yourself…

So yesterday was a complete fuck up. I got to the house and was met by puppy at the gate.

I could not stop crying and am pissed off with myself for being so weak.
The Ex tried to explain the reasoning behind changing the locks and when I informed him of what steps I would take in future concerning the house, he backed off.

Again there was neither maliciousness nor any screaming. He had packed my things already and then threw in a clanger. “I know you have a new boyfriend”!

Well…. am I being stalked, spied on? WTF???? Again he asked me why I did this (walked out on a 4 year relationship) and again I explained why. Pointless going round in circles so I ended the conversation.

I bade puppy farewell whilst sobbing my heart out and walked away. I have barely slept and my eyes still feel like they are glued together. Guess I will only get stronger from here on.

In other fucked up news…. I mistakenly called Hottie by the Ex’s name. Needless to say he was not impressed and to some extent very hurt.
I tried to explain that it’s out of habit …..but seriously I could have kicked myself – hard.

Anyhoo, tomorrow is the rugby final which I am so looking forward to. Not sure whether Hottie and I will still be going to the gathering that was planned, but either way I intend to have a good time.

For tonight I am going to lounge in front of the Tv (Yeah, the satellite I connected) and relax with some vino and popcorn.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!


Ps. GO SHARKS!!!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008


In 15 minutes I leave to go and fetch the remaining and final things from the home I shared with GM. It is also the final time I see puppy.

I feel like fucking shit and have a pit in my stomach. The jerk changed the locks as well and hence I will be escorted through the house.

This fight is not over. He started mud slinging when I was trying to be nice. Bad move buddy.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Technical Genius

My dad moved in with his fiancé a while back and seeing as they had double of almost everything, he gave me his DSTV decoder. Yesterday I decided that I would get the thing up and connected so that I could finally start watching all my fav programmes again…

The entire sequence of events as follows:

1. Phone Customer Care to have account activated. This conversation lasts a total of 20 minutes, 5 of which was spent talking to a machine.

2.After I have been assured account is activated, I inspect decoder only to establish that darling daddy did not give me a power cable…

3. Lock up house and jump into car, rush to the shop down the road.

4.Get to the shop and am confronted with the most intellectually challenged female I have ever met *frustration increases*.
Tay: “Hi there, do you perhaps sell power cables for a Dstv decoder?”
Dumb chick: “Uh …… uh…… uh…… I fink maybe, let me check the list” **Tay smiles sweetly*
DC: “I carn’t find it by my list, let me call the manger” *Tay still smiles sweetly*

5. The manager eventually comes to my rescue and brings me the damn power cable.

6. As I am turning into the driveway at home, Hottie’s car is parked in the driveway **YAY!
He offers to cook dinner for us because I insist that I am fully capable of installing a stoooopid decoder.

7. Hottie is in the kitchen and Tay is connecting the satellite Tv – roll reversal, I think so.

8. After I am satisfied with putting all the “in” cables in the “out” sockets or whatever, I switch the Tv on in a moment of glory and …………. Nothing.

9. Hottie offers to have a look , I give him the “If you come near this decoder you will feel the wrath of Tay” stare.

10.Phone the customer care line, speak to machine for five minutes and finally a technician dude tries to assist me. He makes me change settings, pull out connections and………….nothing. After 32 minutes of chatting to customer care dude he tells me to call in a certified installer.

11. I am seriously miffed by this stage and pour myself some Vino while Hottie quietly observes from the kitchen.

12.Eventually I relent and Hottie inspects my handiwork. He finally has a brainwave and decides to change a few connections because he is convinced the previous tenant confused the cables.
TA DA….. satellite Tv is working, for about 30 seconds.

13. I again call customer care, speak to the fucking machine and finally, finally they activate my account. Voila – I have Satellite television.

My shattered nerves……


Ps# Supper was absolutely divine!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Custody Battle

I am so fucking pissed off right now! I am not in the mood for this Monday or the bitches in the office or the fact that my phone won’t stop ringing.

The clincher however is GM. When I moved out and we spent the day packing my things, we discussed the house and the Puppy. Because the house is in both our names, we each own 50%. The saying goes: “Don’t kick a horse when it’s down” thus I agreed to let GM stay in the house and we made arrangements concerning payments etc.

We also discussed puppy and the custody agreement - I get to have puppy stay over one weekend a month. (Bizarre, I know).

This morning I managed to get hold of him (after he has been ignoring me for the week) only to be told not to contact him at all or attempt to see him. He has asked security at the complex not to let me in without him accompanying me. This in essence means I cannot fetch Puppy nor can I drop her off. When I questioned him about this, his response was: “I don’t want to see you and I think it’s best if you leave Puppy alone too”.

I get that the guy is hurt and that I left him. However, I am not without feelings and leaving him has gutted me too. It’s not easy walking away from dreams or aspirations you shared with someone for 4 years. I also get that he needs space. I am just pissed off that he is using Puppy as ammo.

You might think it’s just a dog……but Puppy is something more.

Not sure what the hell I am going to do now.


Friday, October 17, 2008

A Flush What?

Last night Hottie and I had dinner with his friends. Well… what an entertaining evening to say the least!

Breakdown as follows:

The Best Friend: A small guy who got married because he had to and is due to be a father in 2 months time. He got his wife pregnant 3 times of which on all 3 occasions she miscarried until now. (Super sperm – I think so)

The Best Friends Wife: Heavily pregnant and completely his opposite. She is friendly and outgoing but tends to be highly insecure, which at first I attributed to the pregnancy, but was later told this is how she is – all… the…. time. She has a son from a previous relationship and this beautiful little boy has ADHD.

The Other Best Friend: Complete introvert who is going prematurely bald. He is super clever and doing his doctorate in pharmacology. He has a dodgy, young girlfriend. Hottie says that they have been together for ages and have a severe love hate relationship. He basically keeps her around because he’s worried he will never get laid again or find a companion……

The Other Best Friend’s Girlfriend: Young, immature and rude. The silly bitch arrived at the house in a mini and shiny tank top with killer stiletto’s…… we were having a braai….??? Was kak funny every time her heels planted themselves firmly in the ground, making her stumble several times.

We eventually decided to play poker (my knowledge of this card game is dismal) and I won twice. Still not grasping the whole flush, king high, blah blah….. but am determined to get the hang of it for the next poker night. I fully intend to kick some poker arse!!!!!

Anyhoo, Silly Bitch started getting a tad loud – her laugh sounded like a hyena with a twig up its arse. Hottie was getting visibly annoyed as was her boyfriend and the rest of the crowd. It was after Silly Bitch called Hottie “My Chicken” and offered to repay him in any way for a loan of chips, that he called it a night…..

Have been calling Hottie “Chicken” at every opportunity, much to his disgust *grin*

Happy Friday!!


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Conversation with Dad

My dad travels a lot, mostly to the Cape for 4 days at a time. Usually he loves these trips and sends me quirky little text messages about how he is walking on the beach and having a beer at the local pub.

Yesterday however was a whole different story:

Tay: Hey dad, how are you?

Dad: Tay? Tay? Can you hear me? I am in the CAPE!
T: That’s great dad, how is the trip going? I haven’t heard from you in a while.
D: “Uh, um I cut the trip short and am on my way to the airport” (classical music blaring in the back round)
T: Dad, turn the music down, I can barely hear you!
D: You are breaking up Tay, STAND STILL!
T: *taps fingers on desk*, “Is something wrong? Why are you coming back early?”
D: “Da Da…. Da Da…, I have a meeting tomorrow morning early in Rivonia. Have you bought a bed yet? Can I bunk with you for the night?”
T: Dad, you know I haven’t bought a bed yet, otherwise you could have stayed with the greatest of pleasure”
D: “Oh (mild disappointment), thought I would take a chance anyway”
T: “Sorry Dad”
D: “Okay Tay, got to go, chat soon” *Click

And here I thought he called because he missed me – HA! Phone call no.2 at 19h30 last night:

T: Hey Dad, how is it going?
D: “ Hello my darling daughter, how are you? (thumping music in the back round)
T: “Dad, where are you? Jozi?
D: “I am in Port Elizabeth, having a drink in a pub and thought I would call because I miss you and this travelling is kak! I miss home and my fiancé’
T: Erm… Dad, I thought you said you were heading back to Jo’burg? And why not call your Fiancé’?
D: “Couldn’t find a place to stay in Jo’burg and you don’t have a bed (annoyed). Fiancé’ is not answering her phone. I miss her” **Music gets louder and people are giggling
T: Dad, are you alone?
D: “Tay, don’t be ridiculous, of course I am alone!” **Giggling reaches ear bursting levels.
T: "I will see you this weekend when I come through to fetch the rest of my stuff”
D: “Oh yay, miss you my darling daughter”
T: "I am your only daughter…."
D: "Okay Tay, got to go, Fiancé’ is calling, see you Saturday, Bye”

I feel so used…..


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Secret

When I still lived in my little dorpie, I regularly had my check up’s at the gynaecologist and although I pretty much cringed throughout the entire ordeal, at least I knew that majority of the time I was healthy and my poen was normal.

I then moved to the city and the thought of having another strange guy dig around in my bits was too much so I kept postponing, for like 2 years! In May this year I was in my dorpie for a week and decided to get my check up’s done, just for peace of mind. Well that fucking didn’t happen.

Within 2 days of having my poen inspected by Doctor “Open wide”, I found myself being prepped for surgery. It all happened rather fast and when the words Cervical Cancer were mentioned I nearly had a heart attack.

That said, half my cervix was chopped out and I was advised to start thinking about starting a family…. Heavy fucking stuff! When I spoke to GM about it and discussed all the detail, he appeared worried, but not overly concerned. That bugged me.

This overly personal confession is going somewhere….. I have to go back for my check up in 3 weeks time and I am fucking terrified. Not in any way prepared for what may or may not be found again.

The fact is I am single now and if Doctor “Open Wide” gives me bad news, well erm, what then? Google sperm banks? I want nothing more in this world than to become a mother and if he tells me I can’t, I am going to be seriously miffed.

Perhaps I should start looking for a potential sperm donor. Hottie comes to mind instantaneously and the advantage there is that I could do it the natural way :-)

Mmmmmm, heavy thoughts for this time of the morning. Going to join Hottie for coffee and a smoke *wink*


Monday, October 13, 2008

Bonding with Elephants / Other Mammals

Another Monday – urgh! Although I haven’t worked a full week since September, I am drained and seriously need a holiday away, as in FAR AWAY!

The weekend was awesome. On Saturday, we went to the elephant sanctuary in Hartebeespoort. Hottie was on a mission and determined to make the day a memorable one; he really went out of his way to make everything special :-)

I bonded with an ellie named Kumba, her eyes fascinated me! Every now and then she would wrap her trunk around me, which I found so endearing. As huge as they are, they really are such soft hearted animals.

After that, Hottie treated me to an outstanding breakfast at a quaint little restaurant near the dam. It was a good opportunity to get to know one another and I must admit I like what I see. What should have been an afternoon round of drinks with friends at my place later, turned into a full on braai with copious amounts of booze and I was treated to some bubbly…. Too much fun!

After everyone had left, Hottie and I were left to entertain ourselves….. erm well... Enough said. The next morning I was awoken by the smell of bacon and eggs – yes ladies and gentlemen, he made me breakfast!

As the weekend drew to a close, I decided to treat myself to a face mask and watch a movie.

Note to self: when deciding to watch a tear jerker such as “Atonement”, DO NOT wear said face mask as inevitably it will land up in your eyes and smeared all over the place…..

Happy Monday *sigh*


Monday, October 6, 2008

Domestic Bliss

I am loving my new little place and have had an absolute ball buying crap to furnish it. Ah the sweet joys of buying things just because you can...The guest room looks like a bomb has hit it but will work through it systematically as I find the time.

Friday evening I had drinks and dinner with "Hottie", was nice and relaxing especially after a hard day unpacking all the shit I have accumulated! Honestly it's bizarre how much crap one person can have.

Yesterday I went to Sexpo - what an experience! The good old credit card did some serious work and I got to see the dude who paints pictures with his dick - amusing to say the least!

Next weekend I am off to the elephant sanctuary to chill with the elephants for the day, really am so excited! Hottie thought it might be a fun day out - sweet! However still have to get through this week.... urg!

Right, need to do more shopping!